INITIAL FORMATION: Smoothing the Lumps

During Initial Formation, the spirit of discernment can find unique expression. Such was the case a few weeks ago when Andrew, an Inquirer and a “writer” of icons (an image of his Christ Pantocrator accompanies this post), compared formation to an integral step in finishing an icon:

“When you paint an icon, the very last step in the process is sealing the finished icon with oil. You ‘anoint’ the icon with linseed oil and spread it over the icon with your hands. The oil always dries unevenly, forming little hardened lumps under the surface. These are quite invisible when the oil is wet but will mar the surface if they’re not broken up before the oil dries. So for several hours as the oil slowly dries, you must move the oil around with your fingertips, constantly searching for these little hard lumps and pockets, rubbing and pressing them until they soften and dissolve back into the smooth soft oil. It’s difficult and frustrating work, but if it’s not done the whole icon can be ruined.

“Formation as a Christian and as a Franciscan has been, for me, a lot like this. I’ve been running my fingertips over my heart, over and over again, searching out those hardened places, where my spirit has congealed and hardened itself and, as a result, has gotten cut off from the flow of that anointing oil, from the flow of grace — and cut off from growth and conversion.

“And boy, have I found a lot of lumps. A LOT. And a lot more than I expected. I thought I was pretty great, frankly, and just needed a slight touch-up to take me from good to great. Was I ever wrong.

“It’s the same with the icon — if you take a step back and squint, it all looks pretty amazing, museum-worthy. But once you get up close, once you get your hands in the oil... it starts to get ugly. You start to find all kinds of things you never dreamed were in there, or would never admit -- racism; sexism; bigotry toward gay people, toward trans people, toward non-Christians, toward non-Catholics; contempt for the poor; addiction to money, to esteem, to fame; addiction to success and to a worldview that divides people into the successful and the unsuccessful; competitiveness and vindictiveness, obsession with being “right” all the time... And that’s just the first pass. I haven’t even gotten to the difficult stuff yet. And the work is never done. Even Saint Francis felt he was only just making a beginning — as he lay dying.

“But -- thanks be to God, the oil is not yet dry. There’s still time. There’s still time to work each of these lumps under my fingers, until with God’s grace they start to soften, break open, and dissolve into the great ocean of His love. Until the oil comes clear, and the holy image that lies underneath can be seen in all its splendor.”