Anyone who has been professed for a significant amount of time knows that fraternity can be a source of great joy and great pain and a lot of emotions in between and, yet, it is our community of love. The virtue that allows us to experience great joy and overcome emotional pain is love. I like to think of love as the activating agent that enables the other virtues to flourish. Love is the balm for broken hearts and the wings to lift souls to God.
The Beatles once sang, “All you need is love.” And that’s a true statement, but what kind of love do we need? The Beatles may have been referring to Eros, sensual love, but Eros will never deliver balm to the soul or transcendence to the spirit.
Our rule speaks of love many times. Article 12 asks us to “acquire purity of heart …” so that we are free “… to love God and our brothers and sisters.” Article 19 asks us to honor the divine seed in everyone and to believe in the “…transforming power of love and pardon.” Article 22 identifies our fraternities as communities of love.
The love our Rule speaks of is warm, familial, spiritual, selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. That is a tall order and one we grow into through conversion. Those of you familiar with the children’s book, the Velveteen Rabbit, know that becoming real—and for us that means becoming holy—takes a long time. Blessedly, we have a God who loves us unconditionally. Now, what we have to do is believe it, respond to that love, and share it.
It would be unwise to end this Formation Friday message without mentioning that in addition to fraternal love, healthy boundaries are indispensable in human relationships. Healthy boundaries allow love to grow and thrive. Every person deserves respect and if someone is challenging the dignity of another, in love it must stop. Initially it is best for those involved—not the whole fraternity—to settle the matter privately. (See Matthew 18:15-17) If this fails, pray and forgive that person, but maintain safe emotional boundaries.
When we follow Christ as Secular Franciscans, we resolve to love our brothers and sister even when it is inconvenient or possibly painful. Ponder these questions for personal reflection.
· Reflect on the love you may have experienced in fraternity.
o What effect did it have on you?
o Who in your fraternity could use a dose of fraternal love?
o Are you willing to supply it?
· Reflect on the pain or betrayal you may have experienced in fraternity.
o How did you handle it?
o Did you handle it at all?
o Has it changed you? In what way?
· What role does forgiveness play in our healing and our ability to love?
Thank you to Anne Mulqueen, OFS, Spiritual Assistant to the National Formation Commission, for allowing us to use her work.
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